Girls. Ever wonder why there some chicks that you know, that just seem to be getting all the attention from the guys? They always have someone hitting on them. They always are the first to be picked up at clubs. N pretty much get any guy that they want.
What’s with that? Don’t you find it irritating? Is it because they are better looking? Is it because they have something that you don’t have?
Well yes and no. To the better looking part, well that has something to do with it, but not everything.
But what if I told you, they knew something that you didn’t know …
What if I told you, they did something that you don’t ….
N what is I said, if you figured out what they were doing that you could just get as much attention as your chicky friends could …
Wanna hear what I have to say?
Well here it is....
The reason why these girls get more attention that you do, is because appear to be far more approachable than you are. Don’t you hate it when life is THAT simple?!
Seriously think about it. If you think back to all your friends that get the attention and remember how they behave you will begin to see what im saying here. Most girls that are approached by men, give off a feminine, venerable energy and guys well they just love that.
Here is the thing. Guys don’t like to be rejected. In fact no one wants to be rejected. So what do you think would be more appealing. Option A which is a girl who has her arms crossed and a bitchy F*** off look on her face. OR option B which is a girl with open body language, is giving you flirty glances and has a smile on her face.
Come-on on now. That wasn’t a trick question. You do a lot better at attracting bees with honey than you do with lemon. If you catch my drift.
So many of you are thinking, sure HAF that’s great. All I have to be is approachable. But what does that mean and how can I communicate that?
Well rule number ONE: You have to be prepared to show vulnerability and be venerable. That is the hardest part of it all.
Rule Number TWO: Always remember rule number one.
With that said here are some tips which I think will help you a little more in that department. These are some basic flirting techniques, which sometimes we forget.
Smile!!! Smile at the bus driver. Smile at the cashier. Smile at the random stranger that walks past you. Smile with Guys. Smile with Girls. Smile with children. The whole thing about smiling is that is opens up your personality. It instantly makes you more attractive and makes you stand out of the crowd. Standing out of the crowd when trying to attract a guy is always a plus.
Eye Contact. Now im not saying stare a guy down until you burn a hole through his forehead. But im saying hold a guy’s gaze for at least 3 seconds. You know that can be harder than it sounds, when the guy is really cute. But if you find it hard to look at him for that long, keep it up as long as possible and smile while you look away.
Body Language. Let me just say this. Crossing your arms does not create attraction. Mainly it just makes you look like you had a bad day, don’t want to talk to anyone and have had PMS for the last month. Instead communicate open body language, let your arms fall to your side. Remember to sit up straight yet relax, rather than slouched.
With that said, I am now going to admit something. Ok so many I have been guilty of a little stand offish behavior in the past. Vulnerability usually has be to pried out of me with some really heavy machinery. So in the name of this blog and as part of a little .. lets call it a social experiment. I am going to do all the things that I have just suggested in this post. Im going to be as open and approachable as I know how and I’m going to see what kind of reaction that I get.
Let the social experiement begin!
For those girls out there that want to know more about how to get guys interested in you and want to learn then click here
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12 Insights:
OMG! So, so true! A smile is contagious and will draw people to you. It can truly be magnetizing. I've even had it happen while driving in my car. Stopped at a stoplight, grinning like the Cheshire Cat, a guy in the car next to me looked over and made eye contact. I glanced away and then looked back and his silly grin matched mine. Made me smile even bigger!
I agree whole heartedly. I tried such an experiment last night and it really does draw people to you. One other thing to keep in mind is that showing some vulnerabiilty and a positive attitude doesn't necessarily work on all men.
For instance, if you are dealing with someone who fancies themselves to be a major player, or is a narcissist or a man-child - he may not respond positively to your warmness and sincerity. They may want a game playing, sour puss.
In those instances, I just chalk it up to - this is not a kind of guy I want to be with anyway - and try not to take the rejection too personally.
It's just a theory I am forming at this moment. Does it make sense to anyone?
Lisa Q: That’s the thing I like about smiling and flirting. The more that you open up the more responsive people get around you. Putting aside attracting guys for a minute. But even if you are more friendlier to people and reach out more you always seem have better relationships with those people that are around you.
Thanks for the comment =)
Anon: I kinda see your theory here. Is it based more on playing hard to get rather than being open and approachable?
Because in that instance I think that both can be useful when attracting a mate.
All im saying though with that aside is guys are more likely to want to talk to you if you are friendly and open, than if you are particularly snobby.
The only guys that you will be able to attract are the players and bad boys who want a challenge in breaking down your icy barriers.
But like you said, are those the types of guys that you are wanting to attract?
I think that there is a difference between being open and approachable and appearing to be easy. =)
Thanks, let me know your thoughts
Hot Alpha Female
Maybe subconsciously I have wanted to attract bad boys and players - those seem to be the type that I get involved with. However, the results are never positive, the relationships typically unhealthy. I'm fed up with that type as it gets me nowhere in my desire to be in a healthy, fun relationship.
People have told me that I come off as a bit cold at first, or aloof. So maybe that has resulted in attracting guys that think I am a challenge. Trouble is - once you get to know me, I am anythin but aloof. So when a guy charms me, I become very open, nice and fun. The "player/bad boy" doesn't see me as a challenge, and the cycle of disinterest, interest begins and I get frustrated again.
So - I will join you in the acting open and approachable experiment. I think it could be a key to launching a new, healthier cycle of relationships with men!
Anonymous: "People have told me that I come off as a bit cold at first, or aloof" So im curious as to why you are like that when people meet you.
LoL I only ask that because at times i am rather the same way. I was at a stage in my life where i didn't really want to be appracohed by guys and so I kind of put up this wall to certain people.
While guys like the challenge you still have to let them in to see who you are. But when we are cold and distant everyone with the exception of a few are very intimiated or scared to appraoch you.
Its not to do with your looks, your personality. But more to do with the way that you hold yourself, and how you communicate your feminity with your body langauge.
Girls like guys to be masculine and in control. Guys like girls to be more feminine or submissive if you will. Apparently they dont like direct compeition. LoL
So im glad that your taking this experiment with me, tell me how you go ok? =)
Hot Alpha Female
Well - both men and women, probably more of my female friends - have told me that I come off as a bit cold at first. Men more say that I am "reserved" and "quiet" or have a "wall around me".
I guess I do that because I am a bit reserved and tend to be on the serious side, especially at work. I am pretty senior in my job and experienced success at an early age. As my career and personal life overlap a bit - many people get to know me first in a professional setting.
Also, I am very sensitive and have learned from a young age how that a way to protect my feelings from getting hurt is to wait until I trust someone before letting my guard down.
I am now learning that it's possible to be open, warm and friendly and at the same time not entirely trusting of a new acquaintance. Trust is something that is earned, and it is not earned by some cute guy charming the pants off of me (literally in some cases)! LOL
Also, when I decide I really like someone - even if they aren't totally deserving of it - it takes A LOT for me to give up on the idea that they have good intentions about me. If I like the guy - I can like a TON of B.S.
Slowly but surely, I am getting smarter - but it's a tough balancing act - being smart without being bitter (after being hurt so many times), or being open and warm without being naive.
Does this make any sense?
Well everyone to some extent is guarded because of their past experiences.
Thats the thing about dating, you still have to have the trust that things will turn out ok. You have to open up because otherwise you end up getting more hurt.
I think its important to have a high level of self respect when it comes to dating. When you fully love and respect yourself, then no matter what happens to you .. no one can ever really take that away.
You are already whole and complete. You don't need to find someone that completes you. Only someone that is worthy of your time.
In regards to being quite successful in your career, that doesn't really have anything to do with scaring off the men. Its more so the cold part that is the most intimidating part.
Most guys actually like girls that have their own drive and ambition they find it to be very attractive.
So when i talk about vulnerability. I talk about letting those guards down. Breaking down those walls. All the past experiences have not been there to teach us not to open up to people. But they have taught us other lessons, like learning what you really want in a man and how you deserve to be treated.
You can't prevent yourself from getting hurt. You can only learn from all the available experiences.
We've all been through the pain of breakups and no matter how hurtful they were, i wouldn't change those experiences for the world, because they made me who i am today =)
Hot Alpha Female
I agree with everything that you are saying. I definitely am embracing this new approach!
Thanks!
HAF, you know I love ya. And I think you're kinda hot. But the word is vulnerable, NOT venerable.
Otherwise, advice is solid. Hope you're having a lovely week :)
to anonymous,
Leave your balls by the door on your way out from work. Put them back on in the morning as you enter the place of work...hhmmhh....LOL!......hunter..
hey lance =)
Thanks for the compliment =)
N about the spelling, well it just goes to show that i need to proof read my crap before i put it on the blog. LoL
I had a fantasitc week, really really busy .. i even got to stand up in front of about 200 people and teach them about blogging in an internet seminar. Very exciting stuff.
Be blogging with ya soon
HAF
Great advice! I really like your site. Check out mine too...I think I'm the single mom version of you. : ) Trying to spread the dating knowledge. Smiling, definitely a must.
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